…foul, fond or forgotten! memories often burden us with a searing sense of nostalgia that leaves us in pain, pining or teary eyed!
There are often times when you sit by yourself and reminisce, looking back at the days gone by in retrospect that leaves you overwhelmed. You come across a familiar alley that you had spent your formative years playing in and it reminds you of the good old days or a visit back to your school and passing through the arched corridor fills you up with a sense of looming horror as it reminds you of all the bullying and tormenting you endured at the hands of your class mates.
Reliving a time that you had spent ages trying to forget or simply pine for, for it was so good and you want those days back, can often be a traumatizing experience. And then there are those fleeting moments or montages that hit you with a portentous Deja Vu, when you know you have lived through that experience before but for the life of you, you can’t remember when.
The bewilderment over the memory of the unseen that seems familiar or the unfamiliarity of a place that you very well could’ve visited before but its traces are etched deep down in your subconscious, leaves you wading through the past as you try to unravel the mystery of the forgotten memory…the missing piece of the puzzle!
As we grow old, we try to leave our past behind, especially a past that was turbulent and painful with its share of ups and downs. We spend every ounce of our energy trying to forget the bad ones as the bad ones are the toughest, for they were etched deeper in our minds, our hearts and our souls than any other memory.
We’re in a constant struggle trying to make new memories, have new experiences that we can lay over as the final rites, while we try to inter the rueful recollections under the dirt of our past.
A distressed present leaves us wistful as we long for a past that seems better than the forlorn days that haunt our nights. We stay up yearning for the “good ol’ days” and the realization of the improbability of reliving the bliss that abandoned us with the fleeting time, leaves us writhing in painful reminiscence.
When darkness shrouds our existence, cloaking our light and veiling our smile as we reel under a woeful present, we tend to go back to happier times. Reliving memories that were fond, days that were spent in bed cuddling an elusive lover or sitting on the lap of you grandparent as they read stories to you or simply running through the fields like there’s no stopping…
You use these memories as a crutch as you try to get through the bad times but they leave you in more pain and paralyzed as you are stuck in the past that feels better than the present.
While the foul ones haunt our present and the fond ones leave us yearning for the past, the ones that are forgotten bother us the most as we find ourselves in a maze, meandering through the dark alleys of dusted memories, trying to unravel the mystery of a forgotten past.
It can be quite vexing, trying to resurface a figment of your past that seems buried in the depths of the ocean of memories that were formed over the years. There are moments when you can almost see it, feel it, taste it in the tip of your tongue as the words wait to fall off…touch it, but the second you try to grab it with your clammy hands, it vanishes in thin air before your befuddled eyes and your back to staring at smoked screens!
“The one thing that pains us the most is the memories of our past – be it foul, fond or forgotten. As the bad ones remind us of the times shrouded in hurt and despair threatening to haunt our present while the ones that were good remind us of a past that seems better than the present and leaves us wanting to relive it thought however impossible it may seem.
And the ones that are forgotten are no longer there to keep us company in time of loneliness, thus setting us on a wild goose chase as we exhaust ourselves trying to remember a past that seems to elude us in our present while the only thing that’s for sure is a future that promises to remain uncertain.”
Excerpt from the story Broken crown from the book Transcending Parallels, a compelling compilation of four stories Conflicted, Up with Down’s, Marriage of love and practicality and Broken crown and my first published fiction novel. Read the story to find out the context behind the thought conveyed in this excerpt.
The book is available internationally on Amazon and if you wish to have a look at my first fiction novel Transcending Parallels, it’s available internationally on amazon and on sites like flipkart, book adda and infibeam in india in paperback, e-book and kindle versions or you can follow one of the links below.